How does your garden grow? 

I am the world’s worst gardener. I have neither the patience nor the intuition to wait for things to grow. I don’t seem to understand plants and whatever signals they’re sending me, I can’t seem to read. I over feed them, under water them, put them in direct sunlight at the wrong times of the year. Pull up the ones that grow every two years thinking they’re dead. In short, if you’re ever going away and want someone to water your plants, don’t ring me.

But, I marvel at people who can garden. People who have patience and seem to intuit the growing process, people who don’t need to see and control what’s happening; but who can trust that deep in the ground, right in the middle of the seed, something unbelieveable is happening and will in its own time, emerge from the soil, un-recogniseable from that which went in.

Part of my gardening problem, is also part of my life. Wanting to control, to make something happen in my way, in my time, with the consequences I wish. And my desires may not be too different from your own at times; wanting to appear competent, friendly, caring, loving, wanting to be chosen, to be loved, wanting to be first, well regarded. But I know that every time I plant those kind of seeds in the ground of my soul, I will yield very little of worth in my life. Deep and true growth is never really gained by making choices that do not stretch us. Instead, growth seems to require a ‘dying’, a dying to ourselves, a loss, a pain and a letting go. And this is not something we tend to be prepared to do.

Have a look at the God we worship. This is the week to really see Him. And every single day this week, He shows His face, a face the world is still barely ready to recognise. A God who is crushed, who is choked, beaten, rejected by His deepest friends, frightened to His core, destroyed in this world’s terms. What kind of power is God showing us, making real at our hands? I ask myself, how often everyday do I avoid letting go of my control. Instead, I make every effort to control the growth that’s trying to emerge from within me. What I want determines what I do and what I do, whether by word or deed can ignore the painful questions, the inequality around me, the resentment that festers in the corners of my heart. Nothing is challenged, nothing is crushed and examined and I remain in control of a poorly nourished field. And my control means that the harvest I yield will be paltry.

This week my God shows His face to me and says, die to yourself. Let go of the things you think you want, share in true life, sacrifice yourself for others, do not seek power. Nourish gentleness, honour truth, and take whatever consequences emerge. If you stay as you always are, your soul will continue to sleep. If you die to your own control, then you may share in a life that is more profound than that which you wanted in the first place. If you feel resistance to something, be curious. It may be a time to be open to life not to shut it down. Share instead in the life of God whose heart burst open to take in the entire pain of the world. Our God offered us His divinity to realise our humanity. If this is the God we worship, then we will want to share in His life. Only if we are prepared to lose, will we truly grow.

Gardening is about nourishing, not forcing. Good gardeners don’t let their own expectations and desires get in the way of the growth of the plant.

Ms. Helen Walsh

9th April, 2006